Thursday, April 28, 2005
call me a c0ward. call me whatever y0u want.
cuz such critics are s0mewhat true. sigh.
aye.
abdicated h0pes arent easy to retrive.
i've been musing.
yet what strikes me is still fear.
fear 0f rejecti0n.
fear 0f being neglected.
yea 0ne sh0uldn't live in the past.
but the unnerving past cann0t be forsaken easily.
it's t0o real.
h0w much time d0 i need
t0 accept it 0nce again.
a relati0nship with0ut trust cann0t go far.
i've n0 ill-intents t0 hurt any0ne.
yet things always d0nt seem to g0 the way we want it t0 be.
sigh.
i cant give y0u a definite reply.
cuz i've n0 idea what i want myself.
perhaps i've n0 guts t0 face reality.
i resent n0t being able t0 trust.
i resent having d0ubts ab0ut others.
but what y0u'd sh0wn unf0rtunately...
is that y0u cant be trusted.
y0u never mean whatever y0u say.
y0u've never given me any pr0mises.
cuz y0u kn0w y0u cant keep them.
there's a lack 0f sercurity.
i d0nt want t0 feel this way.
but...
i've t0 protect myself fr0m this hard and cruel w0rld.i
i'm willing t0 set y0u free.
cuz y0u d0nt have to underg0 such tormenting treatment.
aye...
0nce cl0se...
0nce able t0 babble ab0ut everything under the sun
0nce able to get al0ng relatively well
0nce able to share th0ughts and views
once g0od friends...
bo0~
n0thing lasts f0rever.
n0t even 0ur friendship.
its sad.
cuz the cause 0f it is s0mething i'm n0t able to comprehend.
its ridiculous.
yet, i let it happen.
cuz i kn0w if i f0ught it'd be a l0sing battle.
so there y0u go.
the way y0u l0ck y0urself away fr0m me
has caused me t0 lock myself away fr0m y0u to0.
the rueful feeling is resentful.
s0 there y0u go...
take me with you
9:51 AM
